After the phone conversation ended I was still emotional. I wasn’t angry. The best word would probably be frustrated.
I had just woken up and I was still groggy. The stress level in the house was above normal. I was not in the best state of mind. A situation needed to be addressed. Rather than thinking through it I decided to tackle it head on. I don’t suggest doing this. I picked up the phone and made a call to have a discussion. It didn’t go well.
I didn’t feel good about the conversation for several days. I didn’t know exactly why. As usual, rather than assuming I knew why, I chose to ponder it from time to time knowing reason would come to me eventually.
As I was quiet before the Lord, lying in bed, the answer came to me. I had not been honoring in my conversation. I had let my emotional state lead the way. Regardless of the outcome my goal should have been for the other person to have felt loved and honored:
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. – Romans 12:10
Love your neighbor as yourself. – Matthew 22:39
I hadn’t shown love to someone Jesus died for. The end result was me apologizing for not honoring. The other person graciously forgave me.
I feel like I have been in a process of learning to love those around me and to see them how Jesus sees them. As an example I have been working on showing love to my kids in my conversations with them, especially the ones where they purposefully do negative behavior. I start and end the conversation by hugging them. I then tell them that I love them. Next I ask them how they are doing to find out their emotional state. We are then able to have a conversation that is focused on growing from the situation rather than being punished for negative behavior. This is a recent change for me and is having awesome results.
I posted part of Ephesians 4 below which does a great job of explaining how to handle emotional conversations. My summary is: it is ok to be emotional and to have conversations when you are emotional, but when you do, speak truth in love with the goal of building the other person up.
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:22-32
I encourage you to read Romans 12:10 and memorize/meditate on it.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post! Have a great day and be blessed!